Yeah, that. It started very hard but I'm not going to record all the details here as some are just too harrowing, others too personal. Towards the end of the week, when she was more herself, we had a couple of the best chats in years - decades actually. It's going to be a long healing at Lisa's, who is quite incredible for taking it on, not sure how it will work but gob-smacked she's trying.
It's now Friday and Pat is visiting in my stead so I can have a stoned studio afternoon. Still weary from lack of sleep so no idea what will come out as planting any seeds in this weird soil has to be unpredictable at best. Sure feel better about things today than I did on Sunday and I'm resolved to try and interact with mum differently from now on.
A bad day, Friday. Made the mistake of getting stoned thinking all improving with mum. Recorded one thing, got call from Lisa and news this is the last lap. Came back and somehow selected a new 505 loop, losing the 5 tracks I'd just recorded but hadn't saved of captured. Good stuff too - felt like a really good one, inevitably. Gave up the idea and powered off. She going to Longridge hospital and we'll see how long we have.
Here's a photo I took a little earlier than the 505 disaster.
Sunday now and going this afternoon with my sister. Yesterday's visit was really nice, even though she slept a little. Pat and I chatted to her and she was really interested in our lives and also talking about our family history. It's like all layers of attitude have been peeled away and we're talking like normal people. It's very cathartic actually. I guess I won't get much done this coming week but this is more important - and long overdue. Some things to sort re: funeral and Last Rites (they're not called that now). I'm onto priest and Pat has sent out msg to undertaker.
Starting to lose track of the days here. Neither of us slept last night. Pat decided not to go today as she felt pressured not to be present yesterday and tire mum out. I'm gonna go early and try and cancel some QVC thing she has on her laptop and keep my visit a bit short, depending on how it seems at the time. She got comfort from some ancient priest and is now "sin free" and has arranged her funeral and burial plot. Some moans at me for donating my body for medical experiments and not caring where it goes afterwards - I don't see the fascination for putting us all in the same hole.
Time has passed. Meds adjusted to reduce agitation and instil more calm. We've done a long weekend to get there though, which has taken its toll. Hoping for a period of normality now. Shame I missed the Interstellar gig but John got me a nice poster. Got in touch with Roland about the 505 and a misprint in the manual claiming it has "knob lock" (the RC-600 does apparently). Guy said he'd forward the request but I will now start getting into the habit of saving my work on it regularly, as if it wasn't a hardware device at all. Even Logic has autosave so...
Missed the Interstellar gig and only John went.
On Friday I did something in setup 1. Even did minor level/arrangement in Logic afterwards (very basic though it sounds like lstening back). Thought I'd put on USB but can't see it so a surprise for tomorrow. Prov title: Hal O'Wein. Day off visiting mother so energy retained and used creatively. Last day of October and each day she's a little weaker. We would not be allowed to put a dog through this but for people we JFDI.
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