The ongoing sadness

 Yeah, a bit of a downer writing these things so I don't expect I'll be looking back on them much in years to come. Mum was sad and out of it today, It breaks my heart to see her so reduced, her world so small and she so frail, shaking, her options a bed, a chair or a comode. This isn't right - and I hear a few so-called Lords are stalling the assisted dying bill to kill it off. I'd invite those bastards to come and see how great it is to pull mum back from the brink again so she can keep going through this. 

Spent a day with her yesterday, very depressing all round. Missed another EMOM as just couldn't face it. Didn't sleep much last night. And so it goes.

Thursday's visit was another gloomy and mostly quiet affair. Left feeling pretty low but determined to fix that by drinking all afternoon. Bought the latest FLC album and he's still the guy who sounds most like me, or a certain flavour of me anyway, although maybe only I can hear this - in the same way as only I can hear many other things. It's possible I suffer from auditory hallucinations or something along with everything else. 

Friday was OK, not really in the mood but recorded something anyway. Pat doing night shift.

Listened back to what I recorded. It's ok-ish but rough and jammy. Deleted from bc anyway. I think the MPC idea feels stronger this morning, perhaps because I feel the need to work on something and go back and refine it over time, not just spurt it out (although I'll doubtless continue to do that). If Andertons had stock I think I'd order one today - but they don't. Walked Broc into park but Pat snoozing so no Tim today. Think he's usually busy Sunday but Pat's away so  you never know. 

I think November hasn't been great musically but will have to go back and listen again, if I can bear it. I bought that Loula Yorke (sp?) download that's getting a lot of love and good reviews etc. Keep going back to it to try and see what gets people excited these days but, well, it's OK (two good tracks, a fair bit of filler / similar material) but maybe it's another sign of how out of touch with the Zeitgeist I am. Zeitgeist not answering my calls or emails though so what can I do?