And we're off... it's Cric Craic time

 I decided to buy a Cric, has to be the blue (sorry teal) one. I tweaked setup 2 and I think it works and will work better when I add Cric. I already have some ideas for a new Exoplanets album and some more out there electronic music. It's time to put aside childish things and make some serious electronic music. Plans eh?

Pat's ankle still not good but she reckons it's getting slowly better. Until it's actually functional I'll be on dog walking duties, which is OK as I need to exercise. Will also need to do some shopping but should get time to do some studio work. Just need to ask a few questions of Finlay but I think I already decided the black one doesn't excite me and even if I can't read the white on pale blue easily then I'll sort some lighting. Beauty first, OK?

Cric arrived at 08:30 and is indeed a lovely thing. If I were part of the design team I'd have pushed for black text and larger switches but that aside I think it's gonna be sweet. Some tiny adjustments can make a huge difference though, reminding me of the Synthi in that one respect. Its soft sync is really nice and I'm going to have a lot of fun with that. Oddly enough I've done lots of gnarly solo sounds and spiky sequences initially rather than the evolving ambient stuff I'd expected to be doing. Tomorrow I shall pursue that angle. Have ordered an angled desk stand for it.

Wednesday was a better afternoon doing ambient stuff with the Cric. I drafted in the Euro joystick and Pressure Points as well as the ring mod and Tapographical Delay. Those modules could be good in various combinations. Still learning the foibles though - a lot to those oscillators for example - but I'd have liked sync to only one of them as an option. Have ordered more pins and the Behringer Bode module. I mean, why not, right? Buy yourself out of trouble boy!

Thursday I concentrated on space wibbles, envelopes looping and retriggering each other, learning the scissor/DNA oscillators a bit better (getting there) and patching out to the joystick. The joystick is ace cos you can record its motion including pressing the gate button. Very cool indeed - should have been included on the synth along with trigger button. Tomorrow I intend to have a meditational/drone afternoon and have the Synthi involved too if I feel I'm getting somewhere. Having the three levels of the multimode filter available in the matrix is something I only played with briefly but should be lots of potential there. Must try using the CFGs as audio sources too. I think Finlay did a good job for his first complete synth, just needs the right controller to bring it to life. Need to be careful with some switches as the leaps in volume can be extreme and unpleasant. Also the scaling of some controls must be watched as you can max out in a few degrees sometimes but I can't always anticipate this and puzzle myself with it. Using the attenuverters on the inputs useful when mixing multiple sources into one destination. Noticed the two tiny inverter switches on inputs 3&4 which I don't think are documented.

Apparently the USB cable for the Doepfer ribbon is normal nowt special at all. So Will draft that in, maybe instead of the Keystep. I dunno, thrashing about somewhat. Stuff I recorded into the 404 all a bit nasty and industrial, which is unusual - but i was quite drunk, not good. Using the 404 is a really nice idea for capturing the wibblyness. 

Tickety Tock

Spent Friday then Saturday with the Cric and had some doubts/buyer's remorse. Maybe it's not for me -but I have no idea how I'd tell Finlay that or return it so I'll press on and find a use for it. I feel kinda stupid but not for the first time. A big part of my problem is when I try and get the possibilities in my head - the inclusion of modular always screws me unless it's limited and specific, like the MS20 and associated modules, the Grind, the DFAM. I look at the elegance of the Synthi and realise I was naive to think that's gonna be replicated just cos another synth has a patch bay, three VCOs, a filter.... Why do I need to be able to get stuff in my head and manage fine until it comes to modular? Yes, my brain is just too small to deal with all the possibilities, let alone remember whatever I did last. So it's always a slow, deliberate process. Maybe I need a rule that setup 2 is not for Friday afternoons or drunk/stoned times?

This morning's thinking (05:00 can't sleep) is that I should stop buying synths based on whether they're a pretty colour or to attempt to make a particular setup work. The Eurorack is always going to be mainly wallpaper, I need to admit it and stop wasting money on it! Bloody insomnia. Woke with 'reach for the stars' going round in a loop thanks to the bloody DJ last night. Another family do next week... and another week walking Broc (in the rain apparently). Not the start to the year I'd hoped for. Have to decide whethe to play EMOM but my head's all over the place and Tim talking about being unable ot play due to some work coming up. Oh well...

Ahem, HNY

 I wrote this little poem:

If you don't have a kazoo
A saxophone will do
(You can try and deny it
But we all know it's true)

Yeah, it's been that kind of break. I even contemplated trying to make some music unstoned and maybe even not drunk. Radical but feel like I want to impose a little order after wallowing in chaos for too long. May be related to the order/chaos strand I'm weaving deeper into 'From Beer To Eternity' as I continue my quest to discover one of the main character's motives for doing something that seems hard to justify. 

I suppose I must eventually listen to the thing I recorded on Boxing Day. Two directions I want to pursue : almost nothing happening very slowly and tight, organised structural pieces. 

Listened to the Boxing Day recording, deleted the video from Youtube, decided it was for the best. ;)
Admiring some of the additions to the Waldorf M, which is now stacked with stuff lifted from MI's open source wonders. So many companies have done this but I am curious how the M sounds in general, which is mad given I have the Wave cos I'm not gonna get one. Well, probably. Went for a walk with our Janet - dogs had a ball, Broc's hardly moved all afternoon or evening. Going for curry tomorrow. Did not leave house this evening though for EMOM. Should've but...

Well, I did it, I completed From Beer to Eternity to my satisfaction. I expect there will still be a few typos and sentences I can de-clutter but it's there, it's the story it always should have been. Best of all, elements that were present that felt disjointed are now, I'm confident, a coherent whole. Obviously for a story this complex I always did need to put in this amount of work but at least it's done. Will now sit on it a while, have a last quick edit in a few weeks before re-publishing. Nobody will read it, of course, but it'll be there as a far better example of what I can do than formerly. 

Happy New Year!

We went to Southport and it was lovely... until we tried jumping over a little stream and Pat did her ankle in. Then it was a very long, slow walk back to the car...

From here...

 At least I worked out how to do my total chapter rewrite (the wonky riddle one). Just have to do it - but I will first go through the shit version, make note of anything that has to be in there before deleting the lot and doing it from scratch. It's exactly what I need at this point and as Pat's away tomorrow may have a go tomorrow night. 

Chapter rewrite started well then I ran out of steam but worked out why so should progress today. Went to solicitor's and Wayne's and estate agents today so quite dynamic. Will meet on Sunday to walk dogs and maybe do a few things in house before valuation on Monday. Starting to feel slightly guilty for fighting my corner re: will as I was under the impression there was more and that my sister would be able to retire. Now not sure about that. Wayne, our old money man, had difficulty meeting my gaze when we took death cert round, which is interesting. He must know we're much better off financially now he isn't creaming off those large fees 

It's weird how much slicker Setup 3 is now I've decluttered it. Having the line mixer feed all my poly synths into the 505 makes so much sense. Have even used its monitor for the DD-20 geving me ambient looping too. I fed the DRM-1 through the BOUM and VF-1 and it sounds incredible. All my drumming needs with Cirklon driving it, perfect. Now it's Setup 2 that's the poor relation, which is interesting.

Saturday has a nice play on setup 1. Later on Pat's watching some shite police thing on TV while I'm trying to write. Not only does she watch this noisy, obtrusive shit but she keeps talking to me about it while I'm trying desperately not to engage cos I really despise this kind of program. Then, after saying she's going going to bed she then stays up so long it just isn't worth trying to do anything. There is a promise of some totally alone time next week though, the dog going south with her. We'll see if that actually happens.

Monday and I got the Blofeld connected to the Osmose and remembered how much I like it and how much poly AT brings the Blo to life. I also had an issue with the GR-1 and they tell me I have to reflash and that I must always shut down manually. Told them screw that I'll go back to the old firmware that worked just fine. Something to do with old Linux shite apparently. Will try and get it done tomorrow but will move it away to setup 2 for the time being so the Blo can take its place. Contemplating Wed/Thu in the studio and maybe even doing a video jam if I get anything good going. 

Pat went south a day early hoping to miss traffic. So I have the free-est week to wallow in for a very long time. Starting my adventure with a good cup of coffee, chocolate and calm contemplation.

Well, yesterday seemed to go pretty well. I got through a fair bit of drink, including finishing that first bottle of Jura 12 (I was wise enough to get another). The thing I recorded sounds OK on first listen but I didn't note its (Cirklon-generated) name so it's stored by date only until I power on later. Sun is shining and I may go for a walk to clear the old noggin. Then I suspect I'll make like Peter Baumann and repeat, repeat... thawed out chilli for tonight but might get curry, not sure what opening times are xmas day.

Today went v welll. Setup 1, like. Now stoned and watching John Wicks 4, waiting for new gummy to kick in. Stopped watching the film as I'd either seen it before or is was so predictable that it seemed like I had. Don't recall what else I watched, roamed Netflix probably but can't remember any highlights. Did some novel work.

Today's christmas and I plan to do the same as the last two days, if my body can take it. Hopefully I can get a curry later from Sangam. Think one half gummy for today as having a second one yesterday didn't really touch the sides, so to speak. 

Did a video, nothing too coherent. Had fun though noodling. I'm wondering how it might be to work unstoned occasionally. Radical eh? Got a fair chunk of novel done but feel like an early night. 

Pretty sure Mozart died on this day (Dec 5th), well not this specific one.

Today was a good Friday.No idea if this any quality but will listen tomorrow

https://wilyepeyote.bandcamp.com/album/moonbow-passing

Yeah, nowt special but as some guy paid money for it, seems wrong to delete from bc as usual. 

Monday we talked to funeral guy then went to house and started going through stuff, cancelling things and informing people. Hope to get death cert this week and kick rest of it off. Funeral next Tuesday if all goes to plan. 

Talked to priest today, going to do the death certificate Thursday morning at which point we tell banks, solicitors etc. Life still not really ticking along properly but we're all coping. Lisa and Jan upset still showing how close they were. 

PRS is a little down compared to last few years but considerably higher than I'd have expected at this stage. 

Wednesday and some studio time. Spirit mixer dead, which is a real downer. Did some looping P3 patterns playing Perfourmer. Sounded good. 

Sending everything into RC-505 is something I should've done ages ago. Dead Spirit may help reduce clutter. Doing good shit today (Friday_

https://wilyepeyote.bandcamp.com/album/barking-at-squirrels-and-other-pursuits

Now then. It's Monday, funeral tomorrow. Still feels a bit surreal but I'm sure tomorrow will bring it home. PRS payment today, will use most for tax bill I think. Bought the latest Warrington Runcorn album and just listening. I like how he keeps it simple but classy and never overcooks, which is a skill I wish I had but never will ;) He only goes wrong with clunky voice samples in the track "The People Matter", which is a cool track otherwise. 

I must go listen to whatever Tim and I recorded on Saturday. Will definitely be overcooked, undercooked and burnt to a frantic crisp in that, hehe. 

My plans for today are to trim my beard, wash my hair and see if my suit pants still fit. Probably a bit late to panic if they don't. Continued working on Beer and got back to the riddle chapter that I want to totally rewrite. Pat says she's off south Wednesday so may get a day to indulge myself. Thursday is solicitor day, moved from Friday, which is good.

Funeral went as well as it could. Priest spoke well and we got some nice tales from Winnie later. Cousin Gary came and his mum Helen and we got more tales of mum that made us smile/wince. They ordered way too many sandwiches though so we all took some home. Good to see John and Jan's friends and I think mum would've been happy with her sendoff. Coffin very heavy between four of us on the way in so glad some funeral guys gave subtle help carrying to grave or Jack and I may have struggled. 

Tomorrow Pat goes south so I have a day free which I plan to use indulgently. 

Another month, mother still dying.... then does, finally

Yeah we're into December now and life is still in this weird limbo state. Doesn't feel like I've done much of any value in October or November other than edit "From Beer to Eternity" which is in far better shape than it was before. I'm in the final third and have skimmed to the end to remind myself how it goes. There are some opportunities remaining to sort a few things out before I contemplate "Liminal Entity" and what that may or may not need. The hard one still outstanding is "After Life" but I have a much clearer idea of how that should go now, having explained a few of my ideas to myself about how it all works. 

I'm still thinking of getting the MPC Live III, purely for the idea of a complete environment for working on songs with a definite structure and flow rather than all the looping things I've done for so long. None are in stock at the moment though but I'm watching. Of course I'll throw myself into it and either totally regret it or feel a good chunk of the studio has become less useful. All this cos I really could not be bothered with the Live/Laptop setup I already have but which I haven't knuckled down and learned. Hmmm.

It's Tuesday and we got the news that mum is in a new stage of her EOL process. The syringe driver is back after just one day and she's in bed not wanting to get out just to float off with the increased meds. Of course by the afternoon she's awake and wanting everything again and now. I'm doing a shift tomorrow so I expect her doing cartwheels around the garden. The doc keeps expressing surprise she's still alive. They sorted 7 night cover though which is a relief. I was gonna go walking this week with Tony but now think I probably won't. Maybe she'll pop off overnight, it's no longer possible to guess. Oh, I pre-ordered the MPC Live III. Decided wtf, no point hanging around as we might all be dead tomorrow (but mum still alive, of course). Today I drank a bottle of beer and worked on a Keystep/Wavestate project and associated Octatrack grooves. My eventual plan is to capture all the prime bits in the MPC and arrange them there since I clearly will never bother to do it in Ableton. Let's see if this plan works out any better than the last...

She died Wednesday evening, peacefully and in her sleep. We didn't get there in time but stayed until nurse then funeral directors came. Pat and I got home maybe 02:30 and didn't sleep much but we're through it now apart from the admin. Funeral should be before Christmas then there will be lots of house clearance to do.

We saw this moonbow on the way to Lisa's after mum died

Blog entries from this point may become more normal. 

The ongoing sadness

 Yeah, a bit of a downer writing these things so I don't expect I'll be looking back on them much in years to come. Mum was sad and out of it today, It breaks my heart to see her so reduced, her world so small and she so frail, shaking, her options a bed, a chair or a comode. This isn't right - and I hear a few so-called Lords are stalling the assisted dying bill to kill it off. I'd invite those bastards to come and see how great it is to pull mum back from the brink again so she can keep going through this. 

Spent a day with her yesterday, very depressing all round. Missed another EMOM as just couldn't face it. Didn't sleep much last night. And so it goes.

Thursday's visit was another gloomy and mostly quiet affair. Left feeling pretty low but determined to fix that by drinking all afternoon. Bought the latest FLC album and he's still the guy who sounds most like me, or a certain flavour of me anyway, although maybe only I can hear this - in the same way as only I can hear many other things. It's possible I suffer from auditory hallucinations or something along with everything else. 

Friday was OK, not really in the mood but recorded something anyway. Pat doing night shift.

Listened back to what I recorded. It's ok-ish but rough and jammy. Deleted from bc anyway. I think the MPC idea feels stronger this morning, perhaps because I feel the need to work on something and go back and refine it over time, not just spurt it out (although I'll doubtless continue to do that). If Andertons had stock I think I'd order one today - but they don't. Walked Broc into park but Pat snoozing so no Tim today. Think he's usually busy Sunday but Pat's away so  you never know. 

I think November hasn't been great musically but will have to go back and listen again, if I can bear it. I bought that Loula Yorke (sp?) download that's getting a lot of love and good reviews etc. Keep going back to it to try and see what gets people excited these days but, well, it's OK (two good tracks, a fair bit of filler / similar material) but maybe it's another sign of how out of touch with the Zeitgeist I am. Zeitgeist not answering my calls or emails though so what can I do?

 

 

November begins with more of the old lingering limbo malarkey

 My sister has taken another couple of weeks off work, which must surely be a problem for her soon. Will try and get some face to face and find if we can help her in some way. This weekend we're doing evening visits to let Lisa get some family time. I was grateful for a day off yesterday and recorded some random nonsense, which isn't totally without merit but also doesn't have a finished feel. May need deleting. Today we're hanging around waiting for the visit later but it does feel more nomal. Got remains of takeaway to finish this evening when we get back, which will be nice. Then an evening of slobbing in front of the TV. 

Been working through From Beer to Eternity and I'm perhaps half-way through. What has struck me is that it's not anywhere near as bad as I thought. That last edit I did (and forgot most of) actually rescued it quite well. The work I'm doing now will sanitise it and bring it to the standard of Bogus, which is nice. The story works, I think, not that anyone's going to read it - even those who have read it before are unlikely to want to load the latest version and see if they like it more. No idea how to get it "out there" but at least I'll be happy knowing it's sitting in some virtual unlibrary, great but unread. Yay. Where are all the great AI agents and AI publishers fighting for you in a tough commercial world? 

We watched Barbie. I think it went down fairly well, but then it had Margot Robbie so the odds were stacked. Mum looked very weak. It feels bloody cruel to see her vanish in tiny, tiny stages like this. 

Monday morning we woke to no water in the taps but it absolutely pissing down, plus the M6 has had yet another crash. Visiting a little later, will see when motorway clears. 

Hoping to get together with Jan & Lisa on Saturday to talk about what we're going to do. Talking on the family Wassap isn't the best way for people to communicate and I'm really shite at doing anything on a phone. I think I had the desktop app once so I should see if I can find it. Bloody hate wassap tho.

Today, Wednesday, we heard they have decreed that mum will be going to Lisa's once a care package is sorted. They are reducing her meds too. I don't think anyone was ever so depressed to hear the phrase "your mother isn't dying" as we all are after a month of "she definitely is". My sister has taken so much time off work and now the cycle will reset. At least we all had a chat today so won't need it on Saturday. The nightmare continues...

Saturday morning. Pat gave me a day off yesterday by visiting in my place, although mum slept through it. They seem intent on discharging her ASAP, which is going to be a whole new level of difficult, the problems falling mostly on Lisa but also on my sister. I think I was the one voice saying it couldn't be done. I should listen to yesterday's recordings before deleting them from bandcamp (probably). I did make a couple of loops of the catchy one for Don but may not have lined them up perfectly in the BB - and couldn't be arsed getting stuff separately into the Zoom. It would be easier if the Wavestate had separate outputs, could have maybe panned each pattern hard left and right and recorded that way as two mono but wtf. Tim coming today for a long-awaited beer/chat sesh then we visit this evening...

Where am I? Tuesday, that's where. Mum slept through this mornings visit so we went to see Lisa and talk about the discharge, which is thursday, assuming everything needed arrives. They'll be glad to see back of mum at Longridge as she was difficult again last night, trying to hit one nurse and pull hair of another. I have no idea how this is going to work at Lisa's unless she can control herself. She's agreed to a new chair anyway as her own is unsuitable as not solid enough for the moving in and out they'll have to do. As always, I fear the worst as so far that's all we've had. 

I realise this has been less of a diary/blog lately and more of a weary complainfest about my life and my mother. Alas, I've done almost nothing creatively at all and my head is pretty fried. Been waiting to buy an MPC Live III but fear if they do become available again I still won't have time to really learn it. Also have pondered whether something more simple like a Zoom R20 multitracker might work better without drastically changing my workflow. I do want to work with some of the DAW mentality but the laptop/Live approach isn't drawing me in, perhaps because it's linked to my Cirklon setup, mostly because that was where there was space to put it. I dunno really, feels like I'm in the doldrums and unlikely to escape unilt mum finally either stabilises or dies. 

Friday tomorrow. Not totally sure what time I'll have as we are going to pick up chair in the morning and will go see mum on the way back at Lisa's. Hoping for an afternoon's fun but a lot depends on how it's going there. I guess this saga will continue....

Apologies to anyone who reads this blog in hope of light-hearted synth talk and other random nonsense.